As I wrote earlier, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has set her sites on fixing the world, via her New Green Deal. Part of that admirable mission must, eventually, address farting. It may be a pain in the butt, and it might be too on the nose, but the New Jersey socialist is willing to call out societal ills and nip ’em in the bud.
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Despite the persistent celebration of the Democratic Party’s favored new star, one star in the national political firmament was none too impressed with the Thursday release of AOC’s New Green Deal (in partnership with New York Democrat Ed Markey): conservative commentator Ben Shapiro.
In fact, the Daily Wire founder had some rather precise words for the plan’s outline: He called it “One of the Stupidest Documents Ever Written.”
Don’t fret; Ben also employed some silky-smoothe subtlety, Jack:
Whoever wrote the proposal is, to put it kindly, dense. Idiotic. Moronic. Even Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) found herself unable to pretend to take it seriously; she said she hadn’t seen it yet, but “it’s enthusiastic and I appreciate the enthusiasm.” This, not coincidentally, is precisely what I say when I find out that my 2-year-old son has used his magic markers on his bedroom wall. When Nancy Pelosi has to pat you on the head and tell you that your picture of a doggie – which, for the record, looks like a blob with three legs and a spaghetti sauce stain – is just great honey, you’re in trouble.
Possibly grading the text on a curve, Ben went full cow-fart:
Putting aside the fact that, as written, it would receive a C+ in any high school English class, it essentially articulates a magical world in which the skies rain chocolate, the world is powered by unicorn farts, and AOC dances through the gumdrop meadows to Lisztomania. The proposal calls for the United States to be free of carbon emissions within 10 years without the use of nuclear power. It calls for every building in the United States to be replaced or retrofitted in green fashion. It calls for universal healthcare, free college education, the replacement of airplanes with high-speed trains, charging stations “everywhere” (this is the sort of exactness the proposal contains), replacement of “every combustion-engine vehicle,” government-provided jobs, family and medical leave, vacations, retirement security, and the abolition of “farting cows.” It also calls for total “economic security” for anyone “unable or unwilling to work.”
And then there was the issue of money:
Whether AOC plans to chain up billionaires and work them against their will or simply engage in anti-billionaire dekulakization remains to be seen. After all, somebody will have to pay for this.
For those (like me) who need a bit of Wikipedia assistance here:
Dekulakization was the Soviet campaign of political repressions, including arrests, deportations, and executions of millions of prosperous peasants and their families in the 1929–1932 period of the First five-year plan.
Back to Ben:
According to AOC, nobody will have to pay for this – like a timeshare you bought on the Big Island of Hawaii in 1997, this thing will pay for itself! This is a direct quote: “At the end of the day, this is an investment in our economy that should grow our wealth as a nation, so the question isn’t how we will pay for it, but what will we do with our new shared prosperity.”
[M]y two-year-old son could come up with a better, more realistic proposal than this one. It’s not actually much of a competition.
Aaaand the wrap-up:
But, we’ve been told, AOC is the Fresh Face™ of the Democratic Party – So Fresh, So Face. Sadly, the intellectual content that emanates from that fresh face is indistinguishable from the product of the cows she seeks to abolish.
Alexandria combined her declination with an attempt at a reeeal whammy (here).
Oh, how I wish the two would get in the same room — just them, a camera, and one of the greatest imbalances in the history of the world.
Let us dream, my friends. Let us dream.
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